Elvis Is Alive.
So is Jesus, Abe Lincoln, and Adolf Hitler.

by
John Follis


Ever try one of those "People Search" websites? You know, the ones that let you to track down anyone in the US with a phone listing? You just type in a name and if the person exists, up comes the info. It's pretty cool. I tracked down an old high school buddy who I hadn't spoken to in 25 years. Then I got this wild idea.
   
Did you know that there are 6 Hitlers in the US including (swear to God) an Adolf Hitler in Louisiana. I am not kidding. What were his parents thinkin'? I'm just guessin' he doesn't live in a Jewish neighborhood.

For some odd reason, there are also 6 Jesus Christs, although (as one might expect) there are several Gods. 19 to be exact including C. God and, God the son, C. God Jr.

New York area Elvis fans will be excited to know "Elvis Presley" isn't just alive, he's right here in the Bronx. However, Elvis can also be found in Valder, WI, Pompano Beach, FL and 13 other places around the country. Obviously, that explains all the sightings.

There are only 14 Jerry Seinfelds, but hundreds of Homer Simpsons and Richard Nixons. Speaking of Presidents, there are 13 Abraham Lincolns, 9 "Abe" Lincolns, and an Abraham Lincoln Jr.

Moving on to the animal kingdom, there are many more Cats than Dogs (75 to 16). And while there are those who claim that all men are dogs, not all these Dogs are men. Just half, in fact.

In addition to Cats and Dogs there are a bunch of Ducks, including 13 who's parents just couldn't resist naming their sons (you guessed it) Donald. Those folks either have a twisted sense of humor or their marriages were consummated at Disneyland. Just for the record, there are also 10 Mickey Mouses which does not include one Mick E. Mouse from Knoxville and a Mick Mouse from Memphis. Although I did find Minnie Mouse, I was disappointed to discover that she and Mickey are no longer together.

On a happy note, there are over 200 people with the last name Happy. That includes Appy Happy and B. Happy. B. Happy, of course, lives in California. And here's something to keep in mind if you ever find yourself in Encino, CA on a full moon. You could run into a Harry Wolfman. And talk about crazy last names -- there are 30 people with the last name Crazy.

And, if that's not crazy enough, there's one Penis in LA. Actually, a Ms. Penis.
I think I'll just stop here.




© 2002 John Follis. All rights reserved.
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